caldwellheardthefamiliarsoundofhisscreamsfeforeitjoltedhimawake,hesawinterlacedbetweenthehorrificimages,fragmeagmentscoalesced,fusingintosomethingcold,nedhiseyes,allowinghiscontactsandirisesthemillisecondstheyneededtoadjusttothesemi-ntedandturnequietinhisenclosedcapsule,quiet,exceptforthediscordantsoundsofmeninvariousstatesofsleep.

caldwellhadlonglearnedtoblockouttheobligatoryrumblingsnoresoftheotheroccupants,theraspingsoundsofheāvybreathingunderscoredbythedismind,thesonicsummaryofrecurringnightmaresstillechoedbackfromdeepwithintheplasticwallsofhiscapsule.

screamswerenothingame,inalltheirharrowingvariety,inthemiddleofcupantshadlearnedtoreadmeaninginthediscordahecourseofhisunintentionallyprolongedstay,iesofdesperation,howlsofpain,heart-rendingsoundsofgrownmencryingintheirsleepandthedeprāvedshriekingofderangedmenbroimestheonslaughtwasrelentless,thedecibelsseepingthroughlainawakelisteningtothenonsensicalmutteringsofmentalkingintheirsleep,thegruntsandexhalationsofalcoholicsrelievingthemselveswithinthestiflingndithardtodecipherthemeaningofhisownscreamsamidstallthewailingandgnashingofteeth.

today,caldwellfelacutelyawareofthesweat-soakedsheetsclingingtohisnakedperspiringtorsolikeashroud,theminutemovementsofthethermo-regulatingfabricsystemellwonderedwhetherthissensitivitytoexternalstimuliwasasideeffectofhimhāvingmadethemostllhadn鈥檛broughthimselftocontemplatethefinalityofhisdecisionbuttually,inamatterofminutes,hethought,hewasgoingtokillhimself.

soon,theendwouldbeinsightforhisheāvightmaresthatstretchedintoinfinity,ghostlyapparitionsoffeartrappedinalivinghel,hewouldhāvethatwhichhecrāvedmorethananythingelse,asleepthatstretchldhāvepeace.

caldwellglancedatthetimeprojectedinpalegreenpixelsbythecheaptaiwanesghburnedouteyes,tormentedmindmoribundinthatfuzzyareabetweensleepandwakefulness,hewatchedthepulsatingdide,theshadowsofthenighthadstartedtorecede,exposingthegraywinertonthememoryfoamfutonandwatchedthetimespinonitsinvisibleaxis,sweepingthroughitsthreehundredandsixty-degreea5.30am.

timehadbeeameaninglessconcepttocaldwell,reducedtoasimplebiologicalcountingdown,theunstoppableapproandsleepelusive,hisexistencereducedtountoldhoursofwakefulnessfollowedbyanimeshewouldgodayswithoutsleep,arelativelyrecentafflictionthatheconcludedwassubconsciouslybroughtonbyadesperateattempttoāvoidbeingplungedbackintoanotherinterminablleepcameeventually,thenightmareswouldbeginalloveragain,thegrotesquestoryboardsunfure鈥檇wakeupscreaming,thetimeprojectedfromtheclockhisonlybeacontoreality,countingdowntohisimpendingdeath.

themorehethoughtaboutit,themorethedecisiontotakehiday,whichhappenedtobehistwenty-eighthbirthday,wasnothingtocelebrate,onlythn鈥檛ellsuspectedthatthedecision-makingprocesshadbeeninmotionforquitesometime,firing鈥檇beenconsideringitatasubconsciouslevel,surreptitiouslyweighingtheconsandpros.

allthingsbeingequal,suicideseemedtobecenttriptotheblackzoneofoval,whichhe鈥檇takenwhileenvelopedinarealitydistortionfieldofhisownmaking,wasconfirmationenoughthathe鈥檇beependingsuicidewaspremeditatedandnotaspur-of-the-momentthingashe鈥檇triedtohāvehimselfbelieve.

caldwellthoughtabouttheendlessnightslyingonthefutonstaringintospace,theburningpixelsofpornogramsememoriesdriftedawayandtheimagesfaded,andhisimpendingsuicidecamebackintofocus,caldwellfoundhimselfstaringintotheswirlingblacessionthatwasthecumulativesumofawholelitanyofmisfortunes,someofwhichheconcluderedhowhislifehaddegeneratedintothisclawingmiasmaofrawunfulfilledneed.

caldwelllayinertonthefutonwatchingthegreenpseudoquartzofthecapesshiftedtothelcdpaneghtofthebacklitdigitsofthelastunitsofhiscreditdisappearingintotheetherfilledhimwifewminutesnowanditwouldalnctively,hiseyesmovedtothetransparentblackvialsittingonthecigarette-isonhe鈥檇acquiredfromthewhite-hairedgeorgianinthesyringe-scatteredbackalleysofoval.

caldwellwonderedwhetherthehackersonthehackerundergroundboard,thehub,bwasajobboardandmunityincyberspace,ahackingworkhouse,gridironandcreditsourceforcountlessunionhackersandbytebosgleanedfromthehubhadkeptcaldwellinchernobylchickenstmajorityofthedealshadefromamysteriousprocurerhiddenbehindanetworkoffirewallsandlowlevelintruderdetectionaissointricatethattheyhadtobelongtoamajorconglomeratewithsomethingtohide.